Halifaz

Halifaz, or Khalifaz, is an Imbu word which refers to an Abayadi form of civility or art of etiquette that emphasizes politeness and deference, as well as social rank.

Halifaz is a form of ritual politeness that creates a level playing field and promotes equality in a historically hierarchical culture. Halifaz between family, friends, or a host and guest, emphasizes the value of friendship and social bonds as a priority over all else. Another understanding is that halifaz is a way of managing social interactions with a common understanding of manners between members of different communities or groups. It could be used as a basis for mutual goodwill (positively) or as a social/political weapon to confuse the recipient and put them at a disadvantage, as is often the case with foreigners. Those intimately familiar with Abayadi culture tend to agree that halifaz is one of the most fundamental things to understand about it.

According to Salian Professor on Abayadi Studies Gwirthói map Don, “Halifaz is an extraordinarily difficult concept encompassing a broad web of behaviors which mark differences in origin and social status.” For example, in Abayadi culture, whoever walks through a doorway first has a form of status, but the person who makes the other go through the door first also gains a kind of status by having encouraged the other to do it through their show of grace and deference. When it comes to matters of social rank, “one defers to superiors respect, and confers on inferiors favor, presses honor on equals, or accepts honor from a proper source, thereby ‘winning’.” Status is relative for individuals in different interactions, according to Don, and rights and obligations shift constantly with changes in social environments.

History
Most historians agree that halifaz in its prototypical form evolved to facilitate communication between Abayad’s countless historical clan groups, in order to establish a baseline in how negotiations and other matters were conducted. However, halifaz does not appear historically in an appreciable form until the Confederation Period, when the region came under the rule of its various Merchant Families. Many argue that halifaz evolved to take the place that rules regarded interactions with nobles once had, in an Abayad that now had no nobility. The new rules of halifaz would regulate discourse between members of Merchant Families and other key figures, involving a sharp curbing of one’s comportment, speech, and action to make people, honor, and prestige calculable as instruments for political advancement.

According to Don, for the mercantile elite the ornamentation of speech symbolized prestige. With the Abayadi Revolution and the modernization of the country, communication became more precise and the formality of halifaz a hindrance in the pursuit of rapid accumulation of capital and wealth.

Social status
Halifaz’s rules work differently depending on a person’s social status. According to Don, there are few societies that take the obligation of etiquette and politeness as seriously as Abayadi society. A superior person is expected to treat an inferior person in patterns of mutual exchange as follows: doing something for another, providing material goods for another, and/or encouraging someone else to do/provide something. On the other hand, an inferior person is expected to provide services, tribute, or petition otters to do/provide something. Finally, if the interaction is between people of equal status, exchanges are done without regard to status and are absolute. The ideal case of equal status is between two individuals involved in an intimate relationship, where others’ needs are anticipated and provided for without thought of service, tribute, favor, or reward.

The positive aspect of halifaz encourages proper behavior toward others, particularly guests: polite language, propriety, gift-giving, compliments, and showing regard to those who are truly deserving. At its best, Don says, halifaz is a form of selflessness and humility. However, it can also be negative if used insincerely to control others, or if a superior person is shielded from criticism due to deference. In the modern day, “superior” and “inferior” generally correspond with age more than other factors, but wealth plays a role as well.

In social situations
In the traditional rules of hospitality, halifaz requires a host to offer anything a guest could possibly want for, and a guest is equally obliged to refuse it through an interaction described as emma/imma. This ritual is repeated several times (typically three or four) before the host and guest finally determine whether the host’s offer or guest’s refusal are genuine, or simply a show of politeness. If one is invited to any home for food, then one is expected to eat seconds and even thirds, depending on the era. However, halifaz demands that one cannot simply go ahead and help themselves to more food after finishing their first helping; good manners dictate that one must pretend to be full, and compliment the host on their cooking while insisting that they cannot eat any more. The host is then expected to say that the guest should not be so polite, for which the response is to say no two or three times, then pretend to cave in at the host’s insistence and pile more food onto one’s plate. Done any other way, one can easily come across as desperate, gluttonous, or simply uncouth.

Another example of halifaz is inviting strangers or distant relations for dinner with the expectation that they will recognize the offer as a simple courtesy and decline. Yet another example is when one passes an acquaintance on the street, and, after a short chat, is invited for coffee, tea, or something to eat, with similar intended results. Another form is when one is invited to an Abayadi home for food. It is highly appreciated if the guest helps the host in setting the table or with cleaning after. However, halifaz can also force one into performing tasks that does not want to perform. For instance, if one friend offers a ride to another only because they are being polite, they may be obliged if their friend agrees to take the ride. However, if one was going by the rules of halifaz, one would refuse the offer many times before actually accepting, with a chance for the offer to be taken back.

Halifaz often works in the opposite way, as well. For example, an object, person, or offer may be refused when it is actually wanted. For instance, traditionally young Abayadi women may never express interest in someone, but still expect the person of interest to remain consistent in expressing their love. This also applies to objects (especially food) which are offered to individuals as a favor or donation. Halifaz dictates that individuals refuse the favor or donation at first, no matter how badly they are needed. The refusing individual expects the object (or favor) to still be given. However, the relationship between the individuals, the less halifaz appears in their behavior toward one another. When an Abayadi is offering halifaz, it is proper to first view it as a sincere offer with the hope of decline up to four or five times. After that, if the individual offers more than five times, one can conclude that the individual is not being polite, and the opposite side should respectfully thank that individual and accept the offer with gratitude.

In negotiations
The prevalence of halifaz has historically given rise to distinctly Abayadi styles of negotiation. A worker negotiating a salary might begin with a lengthy bargaining session consisting entirely of indirect, polite language, where both parties are expected to understand the implied topic of discussion. Likewise, a shopkeeper may initially refuse to quote a price for an item, suggesting it is worthless and not fit to purchase. Halifaz obliges the customer to insist on paying (usually three times) before a shopkeeper quotes the price and real negotiations can begin. This sometimes puts unwary tourists unfamiliar with halifaz in difficult situations - for example, if a cab driver refuses to take payment, and the tourists accept this “gift” at face value. When a taxi driver says there is nothing to pay they do not mean it, and is actually saying that they have enjoyed talking with the rider and wishes to express his thanks. By stating there is no charge, the taxi driver is playing the role of a good host. This behavior comes from Abayad’s semi-nomadic heritage in many of its regions, where guests were always welcomed and looked after.

Personal shunning
One of the darker aspects of the behavioral code of halifaz is a culture-specific Abayadi form of personal shunning, most frequently of another family member. Called sakin, it is a private, family-oriented affair of conduct or display of anger that is never to be disclosed to the public at large, as doing so would constitute a breach of social etiquette.

In its essence, sakin is avoidance of a lower-ranking family member who has committed a perceived insult or breach in social etiquette. Typically, this is only done today on a temporary basis, and for grave offenses such as adultery, commission of a crime involving some degree of moral turpitude, or the like.